A Lovely Place to Land

One in a Heartbeat Party

2012-02-13T01:30:00.009-05:00

Okay, brace yourselves...I'm about to throw a whole-lotta pictures and details from Ada's first birthday party at you! (And I promise, after this post, I will stop being the gushy "my baby is one" momma and will refrain from putting anything sparkly, pink or "sweet" on here for at least a week.)

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

First, I want to thank Allison and Serena at Cardome in Georgetown, KY. They helped us find a perfect big, open space to accommodate our friends, family and all of the little-bitties that were running around. If you are in central Kentucky and need a place for your gathering, I recommend visiting Cardome to check out their options! Okay, on with the details...

The Concept (Yeah, I had it together enough for once to have a concept...)
When I started planning the party, I couldn't get over how quickly the year had passed, which is what led to the theme "one in a heartbeat." Seriously, I blinked and our baby was one. Okay, trying not to tear up. Anyway...because her birthday is a week before Valentine's Day and I'm one of those suckers who LOVES Valentine's Day, it all clicked. The details all revolved around a vintage-Valentine theme with red, aqua and pink details.

The Memory Table:
I wanted to create a place to display sweet mementos from Ada's first year. The memory table featured photos, "then and now" diapers (a newborn diaper next to a size 4 diaper,) her hospital bracelet and some of our favorite books to read together. I left hand-written tags to explain special items, like the sleeper my mom had bought for a shower gift when I was in middle school. I loved it so much, I made her keep it and get something different for her friend, just in case I ever had a daughter of my own. The banner said "One in a Heartbeat." It was a last minute detail I made at like 4 a.m. the morning before the party because my Cricut machine wasn't cooperating. The pink garland was actually yarn and I used it to embellish the cake stand, too.

Photos by Stephanie Deffinger

Time Capsule for 18th Birthday:
On the memory table, we had a sign that explained we were making a time capsule for Ada to open on her 18th birthday. The sign was made from dry erase boards I got off the dollar rack at Target.

My friend Jenny created beautiful cards for the guests to fill out. Each table was decorated with mailboxes (also from the glorious dollar rack at Target) where guests could deposit notes to Ada. You can't tell from the photo but one of the mailboxes was displayed on a candlestick holder. It was cute; trust me ;) For the photo booth (oh, yes...there was a photo booth) we had another dry erase board with the words "When you are 18.." that guests could write a message on and hold in the photo. All of this went into a box for Ada with copies of the photo booth pictures.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

These were really fun to read. My favorite was from my friend, Jessica. It said, "My name is Jessica and I am your fairy godmother." It is true.

Party Hat Garland:
I created all of the party hats using scrapbooking paper, yarn, ribbon and other embellishments. The hats were displayed on yarn to create a functional garland. Guests loved picking out their hats!

Photos by Stephanie Deffinger

Entertainment:
For the kiddies, we had a lovely box house and some DIY games. I cheated a little on the house. I went to our local Walgreens to pick up boxes to build something like this. The guy at the register asked why I needed so many boxes and when I explained what I was doing, he said, "We had box house kits at Christmas. They are on clearance now!" So, I bought the kit and painted it with acrylic paint with the help of my friend, Cynthia. It also had some sweet details like daisies, a dog leash and sparkly butterflies. The basket out front was a "Pick Your Own Flowers" basket with flower headbands for the little girls. The cute cupcake mat was really a placemat from Kohl's.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

And the DIY games, which entertained kids of all ages...

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

The Birthday Throne:
Okay, this was one of my FAVORITE details. I bought the high chair at a yard sale before Ada could even eat solid food, knowing that I'd refinish it for her birthday. After a good scrubbing, several coats of spray paint and a new chair cover (I cut up a table cloth so it would be easy to clean), the chair really shined. The bunting was made of scrapbooking paper and photos of Ada throughout the year. The medallion was made by my mother-in-law, Connie. Once Ada started eating the cake, we used another plastic tablecloth (the same print as the upholstery) underneath. It was round and huge so it worked perfectly. You can get them here, at Kohl's.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

The Dessert Bar:

We served cake batter dip with Teddy Grahams in these sweet, little totes (Target dollar rack.) For the cake batter dip, I used a Valentine's Funfetti mix, one large container of vanilla yogurt and one tub of Cool Whip. We filled the plastic containers with the dip then added some extra sprinkles on top for some additional color.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

Red velvet whoopie pies and strawberries/angel food cake kabobs drizzled in chocolate...

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

Cupcakes...

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

I have to admit, I cheated on the cupcakes. Those were from Kroger's and they tasted amazing! I was inspired by this cake and actually made Ada's giant cupcake using a William Sonoma pan. I even got brave and made the candle with fondant and the cupcake liner with candy melts using this awesome tutorial.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

Other food details...

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

From the left: Pink popcorn, cotton candy, marshmallows and chocolate pretzels in jars; chocolate-dipped cereal treats; water bottles embellished with pink polka-dot duct tape; sweets!

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

DIY Sippy Cups:
I looked all over for sippy cups for the kids but couldn't find anything cute and affordable. I thought about using mason jars but kids and glass don't mix. As if I have to tell you that, right? Anyway, I spent an entire Friday night searching for plastic jars and ended up coming across a website that sold commercial bottles. We fell in love with the honey bottles but, alas, it was going to be like $25 for shipping AND you had to pay a extra fee for a small order. Not exactly affordable. But then I remembered that Kentucky is awesome and found a local beekeeping supply store where I was able to buy the honey bears for a song! I purchased the heart straws here. After I did some browsing online to see if I was the only crazy person to use honey bears for drinks, I discovered I was not. This one is adorable as is this one. We filled the sippy cups with Walmart-brand cherry limeade and sparkling pink lemonade.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

The Photo Booth:
I am SO grateful to my friend, Stephanie, for her help in creating this amazing photo booth. Seriously, I showed up with the shower curtain, the frame (which my husband built out of PVC pipes,) the bunting and a few props. Then Stephanie arrived with boxes and boxes of props. AMAZING props. And then she even took the photos. She rocks.

I loved the photo booth for a first birthday party for many reasons; The biggest reason was that first birthday parties have an odd mix of ages and this entertained everyone. Second, it was a blast. Third, it captured so many memories. And also, It. Was. A. Blast.

You can view the entire gallery and download pictures from the day here.

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

Okay, do you have a cavity yet? Nope. Okay, here is some more sweetness for you then...

Photo by Stephanie Deffinger

Thank You's:
Special thanks to my momma for using every off day she had from December to February to help me shop, search and create the details for this party and for staying up all night the night before to help out. Thanks to my mother-in-law, Connie, for her kitchen prowess and mad sewing skills. Thanks to Stephanie and Izzy for all of their help setting up and to my husband for building frames, filling dip containers, holding Ada while I hot-glued and for letting me be as crazy as I want to be. And of course, to my friends and family...a huge thanks for coming to celebrate our girl! Love you all!

I'm linking up to these parties:

Celebrating Ada's First Birthday with Purpose

2012-02-07T23:26:00.001-05:00

A few days after our first visit with an infertility specialist, I had a dream that I was a block of wood and I was being carved by an old man into a figurine with a big, pregnant belly. I wrote about it here. I thought of that dream many times during my pregnancy as I watched my body grow around a growing person and now that she is here, I realize I will spend the rest of my life growing so she can grow, too. I will become so she can become.

Photos by Wes and Stacey Battoclette

I am not a perfect wife and mother. My husband often threatens me with a swear jar, I am scattered and messy and some days, I submerge myself under water in the tub just to find a few moments of peace. I will never be as comfortable praising God from a pew as I am worshiping behind the wheel of my car on a country road, singing Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine." Though I am rough around the edges and broken in many places, I believe in God because I feel like I've seen evidence of His love in my life too many times to not believe. I don't pretend that everyone believes like I do but I do feel it's important to teach our daughter that the God we serve is a God of love; unconditional love for all people. Just like I pull Ada up in my lap even though her nose is running because she's thrown a tantrum in the floor and she fights me to get her way, I know at the end of the day He does the same with me. He accepts that I'm stubborn and that I make the same mistake fifteen times before I learn; that I foolishly turn to Diet Coke to be revitalized more often than I turn to Him. And I have learned that just like motherhood is nothing like those Rice Krispie commercials where the mom is making treats with her kids and the kitchen is perfect and the mixture is in the pan instead of sticking to the spoon and their fingers and the dog, a relationship with God doesn't have anything to do with tucked-in shirts and pressed Khakis. It's more bruised knees than white dresses and my mission as Ada's momma is to teach her that being honest about who she is, broken places and all, is okay because she wasn't born finished. Every day she is alive, she is becoming who God created her to be. And if she understands that she isn't finished, she'll understand that other people aren't finished either. She will grow to be patient, kind, humble and accepting.

To celebrate Ada's first birthday, we spent the day committing small acts of kindness both as an expression of gratitude for the many blessings we've received this year and to be "watering cans." It may be silly, even cheesy, but that is something I pray for often, that God will make me a watering can so I can take the blessings He gives me and pour them out so something beautiful will grow. If we can raise our daughter to be secure enough in who she is to give what she has today instead of waiting until she has more time, money or whatever it is she believes she is lacking, then we will have succeeded. For that reason, we spent the day giving small gifts with lots of heart and looking back on all of the places we traveled and people we met, I can't think of a better way to have celebrated Ada's first year of life. Our baby is HERE, healthy, growing and has so much of her momma's spunk ;)
I believe God is good and I want to tell everyone I meet that if this momma with the messy house and paint in her hair can be used to bring something so beautiful as Ada into the world despite a diagnosis of infertility, then anyone can be used as His watering can.

This is how we celebrated Ada's first birthday:

We started the day by dropping off craft supplies at Hope Hill Children's Home. Instead of gifts, we had asked friends and family to bring paint, brushes, scrapbooking supplies and other craft items to Ada's birthday party for the girls at Hope Hill and they did not hold back. The girls are going to have so much fun with this stuff!

After our trip to Hope Hill, we surprised Ada's great-grandmother, Dottie, with a picnic and framed photo of the two of them. Dottie was tickled pink to see Ada on her big day.

We printed photos of our favorite moments throughout the year and wrote messages on the back to deliver throughout the day. We gave this photo of Ada playing in her baby pool and a yellow rose bush to the doctor who delivered her.

And we packed a special snack basket for the labor and delivery nurses who took care of us at the hospital...

When we dropped off the basket of goodies for the nurses, we also took a new package of diapers to be given to a family who delivered a baby today because we were grateful whenever someone came to our house with free diapers!

And without trying, we ended up at the hospital at the exact time Ada was born but this time when we left, our girl walked out holding her daddy's hand instead of being bundled up in her momma's lap.

Travis says his favorite moment was when we took a batch of cupcakes to the nurses and doctors at Bluegrass Fertility Center. Their support and guidance made it possible for us to have this day with our girl so they certainly deserved cake! We attached a photo of Ada with a note that explained we had named her after feeling her move for the first time. I didn't know where I ended and she began, which made us realize that Ada (the beginning and ending of Amanda) was the perfect name for her.

And we left flowers with notes on random cars in the parking lot wishing people a good day...

One of our favorite moments was handing out gift cards for free pizzas to families. Because so many people had delivered us a meal those first weeks of Ada's life, we really wanted to return the favor so we stopped at Goodwill and found a mother with her three children shopping. When we gave her the card she exclaimed, "Today is my son's 9th birthday!" We went next door to the Dollar Tree and chose another family and were amazed when she smiled and said, "That is so funny! Today is my birthday!"

After a wonderful dinner at Red Lobster (we had been saving a gift card for months,) we surprised a family with free desserts which was a lot of fun!

Then we went to a local Walmart and passed out more gift cards for free pizzas...

and we surprised a busy mother shopping for groceries with a $50 gift certificate to a local spa!

We made so many precious memories together today...

(Scout eating the bits of cake that fell off Ada as she was getting into the tub)

and we started our baby's second year teaching her that in life, you get what you give so you can't wait until you have more money, time or resources to start living. You have to live the day you have as the person you are, giving what you have, knowing that you aren't finished; knowing that as long as your heart is beating, you are becoming.

I am so grateful for all of you who have helped us see to it that Ada becomes who she was created to be. Thank you for praying for her before she was conceived, as she grew in my belly and as she outgrows every pair of pajamas we bring into this house. And I hope in some small way, the three of us can do something to help you become, too.

Love Amanda, Travis and Ada

Born with a Purpose Day

2012-02-06T20:24:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is our baby girl's first birthday and all day, I've reflected on what we were doing this time last year to prepare for the moment she'd be placed in our arms. I remember sitting in her nursery a few hours before we left for the hospital, holding my belly and trying so hard to memorize what it felt like to have her inside of me, kicking and squirming around. I remember holding Travis' hand as we answered questions at the hospital registration desk and how he helped me balance as we slid those ugly hospital socks on over my swollen feet before I climbed up into the bed. Most of all though, I remember how desperately I wanted to live in the moment, to absorb every bit of it all because I knew we were living proof that God answers prayers.

I've lived this last year the same way. For the first few months of her life, I spent most of the day on the couch just looking at her and soaking up every bit of her babyness. Three days after going back to work, I turned our world upside down by quitting my job even though we knew there would only be $12 left of my husband's paycheck after our mortgage, utilities, insurance and other needs were met. I sold cosmetics all summer to make ends meet and once my freelance writing business picked up, started looking for ways to balance writing with the 24/7 care of our daughter. I have had moments of complete and utter breakdown, moments of joy and moments when I'm so grateful for this new, crazy life I'm living that it takes everything I have just to hold back the tears. I have come out on the other side of the year stronger and a little shabby but feeling so secure in the fact that God uses us just the way we are, faults and all. Though my house is a disaster and I drink far more Diet Coke and coffee than I'd like to admit to get through the day, I never forget where we started this journey. When I'm exhausted and think I can't go on, I think back to the hopelessness I felt when I wrote that post and I remember that God has had a plan for us all along and continues to lead us. It gives me the strength I need to keep going and reminds me that there was a time in my life when I would have given anything to stay up with a teething baby. It reminds me to be grateful for all of the hands that have helped carry us to this day when we celebrate the life of Ada.

When I was pregnant, I would pray for Ada on my way to work everyday. My prayer was that she would be the kind of person who was filled with God's light; someone who would bring people of all walks of life together and make them feel good about being exactly who they are, flaws and all. I prayed that she would be the kind of person who loved unconditionally and refused to judge others. I prayed that God would make her a true reflection of His love and that she would be genuine, able to find good in people whether she's sitting in a church or at a bar. I still pray this prayer for her everyday and I believe God has heard it. For her first birthday party on Saturday, so many friends and family (people of all walks of life) gathered to celebrate. In fact, for the first time, all of her grandparents were in the same room together and I couldn't even make that happen on my wedding day. And if you're lucky enough to know her, you can tell already that she will never be one to apologize for being exactly who she was created to be.

I believe my purpose as her momma is to teach her that God has a purpose for her life; to teach her that she was created, knitted in my womb, to be a reflection of love always. That is why Tuesday, February 7th we are celebrating "Born with a Purpose Day." My husband took the day off and we will be spending Ada's first birthday together, committing random acts of kindness all over central Kentucky. If you read this, I hope you will help us celebrate her life by committing one random act of kindness in her honor. If you do, please tell me about it! I'd love to write it down for the time capsule we are creating for her to open on her 18th birthday.

How would you like people to celebrate your birthday or the birth of your children? What act of kindness would you appreciate?

I'll update again later with pictures from our day!

The Case for a Big First Birthday

2012-02-03T02:10:00.002-05:00

Ada's first birthday party is this weekend and there's a mess to prove it at the Hervey house. For months, I've been collecting little vintage-Valentine items, making mock apothecary jars for the dessert bar and creating sweet, little details. I have refinished a highchair just for the occasion, created hand-made birthday hats for our guests and enlisted my friends and family to help me create a beautiful photo booth.

In short, it is going to be a birthday extravaganza.

As I sat on the kitchen floor at 3 a.m. yesterday, painting details for the play area, I thought about all of the mixed reactions I've had from people over the topic of first birthday parties. It seems there are two camps: the "You know she isn't going to remember this..." folks and the "I'll get more balloons!" kind-of-people. As you must know by now, I think life could always use more balloons.

My husband tends to identify with the more practical-minded on the subject of birthdays (and on most subjects, really) but he graciously goes along with my fancy and ignores the glitter. He does this because he understands that what inspires me to create details that some would find tedious is just my desire to make things special.

I will not raise the best-dressed kid. I'm a writer; I can't afford that and even if I could, fashion isn't my thing. I won't spend money on the hot-now-toys when I know a trip to the bait store can occupy a kid all afternoon with back-porch cricket races (don't judge it unless you've tried it; it is GREAT fun.) And though I'll never be one to lavish my child with clothes, toys and extravagant gifts (both from limitations of our budget and my refusal to raise a self-entitled person) I will never apologize for lavishing her with imagination and creativity. I will stay up all night if it means turning a box into a sweet shoppe. I will sit with a hot glue gun until my fingers are numb to create whatever world she envisions us sharing. I will do those things because I want to raise a woman who sees possibilities in things others have given up on, whether that be an old pair of socks or a person who has had more second chances than deserved. I will have big, ridiculous birthday parties and do my best every year to top the last one not because of some mommy-race but because I will never forget sitting with my husband, waiting for an infertility specialist to explain why our house was so quiet. I will always make an effort to make my days special with her because it's the only way I know to thank God for her.

My grandpa and grandma were crazy like me. They used to throw carnivals in the backyard that they'd invite all of the neighborhood kids over for. There would be ropes tied from tree to tree with quilts draped over them to make booths, homemade games of chance and prizes they ordered from the Oriental Trading Company. They didn't spend much money; in fact, most of the games were made of recycled things like detergent bottles and empty cereal boxes, but they were special because they put the time into those things. And when everyone told them those details didn't matter, all along they did: I met my husband when I was eight-years-old at one of those backyard carnivals. If they hadn't put the effort in and made their home a place where people gathered and looked for magic, little Travis Hervey may never have wandered across the street.

As for the argument that Ada will never remember any of this, well, I guess that is true. But the U.S. funeral market is valued to be worth over $20 billion dollars and I don't think the guest of honor remembers those gatherings. Isn't it wise to celebrate life while we have it to celebrate? I think so. And I think we're going to need some more balloons...

No-Slip Jammies & An Update

2012-01-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, Friends!

I know I've been pretty quiet over here since Bitsy was born but 2012 is going to bring a lot of changes to this little blog. I hope you'll be patient with me as I work through some details because I promise, come February, there will be a lot of exciting things happening here at A Lovely Place to Land! Intrigued? You should be!

Over the next few weeks, I will do my very best to post once a week as I work to finish my book, Kentucky A to Z, which is due at the end of the month. If you're new to the blog, you can read about my adventures for the "Kentucky A to Z" series here.

Now, this project is about as basic as they come but if you've got little bitties running around, you'll appreciate it's simplicity. Ada started walking a few weeks ago, which has been a wonderful adventure for us all. She's so fun to watch and though we get a big kick out of it, she gets really mad wearing footed pajamas because she slips across the kitchen floor. I was watching her, slipping as she tried to play with her letter magnets on the refrigerator door, when the solution hit me...

You'll need:
-Puffy Paint
-Baby Shoes
-Footed-Pajamas

1. Put the baby shoes inside the feet of the pajamas. This gives you a nice surface to paint on.
2. Paint, paint, paint. I did hearts but something as simple as polka dots would work.
3. Allow the paint to dry.

And then you'll have sweet little feet that won't slip on the kitchen floor!

Tatertots and Jello Giveaway & New Monogrammed Napkin Holders

2011-11-29T13:58:00.000-05:00

Hey Friends!

Today, the lovely and talented Jennifer Hatfield of Tatertots and Jello is hosting her last giveaway day of the season and A Lovely Place to Land will be featured this afternoon. If you've never wandered to her site before, today is the day. There will be opportunities to win great prizes all day today (including a set of custom silhouette and monogram ornaments from my Etsy shop) plus there are tons of creative ideas for the holiday season. Before you leave, make sure you follow Jennifer so you can stay connected!

Click here:

The prize package:

I'm so excited to finally share the newest product to be added to my Etsy shop! In classic, Southern tradition, I'm a sucker for a monogram and these custom monogrammed napkin holders are gorgeous, if I do say so myself. You can choose up to three letters to feature in the circle, which folds down to keep napkins in place. Shop here.

Etsy Shop Grand Opening!

2011-11-16T21:48:00.001-05:00

I've got new goodies at "The Nest" so please hop over and browse my selection! Just a few things I've posted today:

Custom Metal Silhouette Ornaments

Hand-painted Ornaments

Metal Spinning Monogram Ornaments

Oh-So-Lovely Custom Metal Silhouettes

Custom Family Silhouette Signs

And vintage-inspired signs!

Adventures in Novel-Writing and Motherhood

2011-11-01T14:56:00.000-04:00

My goodness. It's been so long since I've updated my blog, I had to brush off cobwebs when I logged on. Okay, not really but you get the point.

Life has certainly been crazy since last we met. The truth is I've spent the last month or so doing a lot of soul-searching and writing. The last six months (okay, lets be honest...year) I've been trying to get my footing. I've become a mother, quit my job, started working freelance while trying to balance the full-time care of our daughter and have started writing my novel, Mother Muse. I tried selling cosmetics to make ends meet and decided that just wasn't a good fit for me. But alas, it gave me the courage to leave my full-time job to be home with Ada and focus my energies on the things I'm most passionate about and for that, I'm grateful to MK. While I'm still sort of floundering, I'm really happy (despite the occasional break-down moment that sends my husband into fits of laughter because apparently, I'm a riot when I'm coming undone.) I saw a sign the other day that read "Find the thing you'd die for and live for it" and that pretty much sums up where I am in life right now. Living for the thing I love (writing) and trying not to let it kill me.

Finishing my novel has become the biggest priority but I've finally decided to open an Etsy shop (after much encouragement from you all) so I'm splitting what little free time I have on writing and crafting. The shop will feature some vintage pieces and handmade decor and gifts. I'm most excited about Southern-Say-I, my line of hand-painted signs inspired by the culture of the South. I've always loved repurposing and finishing furniture but with the baby, I just don't have time for that. The signs give me the opportunity to combine my love of painting and faux finishes with words so they are certainly going to be the pride and joy of my shop.

My ultimate goal for the shop is to fund my novel-writing process through the winter and spring so that hopefully (HOPEFULLY) I will have a completed draft by May. The grand opening of the shop is November 18 but you check out the preview sale going on until November 11. I am featuring my hand-painted Thanksgiving plates, which are on the cover of Kentucky Monthly magazine this month.

On the novel front, I've made some great progress over the last few weeks. I'm writing the letter portion of the book first, which means I'm totally immersed in Hazel Greene's story. I have decided to blog about my experiences at my writing website, so stop in from time to time to read all about the process. I could go on and on about the ways this book is writing itself and the things I'm learning about myself through these women. Is it weird that I can't wait to read my own book?! I know once all is said and done, you will fall in love with these characters just as I have.

So I apologize for being so quiet over here. Just know that the longer I go without updating here, the closer I am to having a book to show for it!

Adopt my Flock!

2011-09-09T17:27:00.000-04:00

If you were to ask my husband what it's like living with a woman who is writing a novel, he'd probably say he isn't living with just one woman. These days, he shares his home with lots of females: a wife, a daughter, a Shih Tzu, and two roommates, Cora Rae Jones and Hazel Green. Though the last two are fictional, he comes home to them anyway. They surprise us at church, interrupt dinner and keep me out late.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the idea for this book has been simmering in my mind for about five years. When I left my full-time job to start my career as a freelance writer and stay-at-home mama, it was like my creativity just exploded. Suddenly, I was just consumed with this story. Dig through my purse and you'll find entire passages written on grocery receipts and dialogue scratched out on napkins. I've mastered the art of typing one-handed while nursing, too. What has surprised me most in telling this story is that I don't feel as if I am making it up. Suddenly these moments in my characters lives come rushing over me and its as if I'm walking in some one else's skin for a little bit, remembering what they've seen. Last Sunday, I was just singing and minding my own business, not thinking about the novel at all, when the whole last chapter washed over me. I stood there weeping and scribbling on the back of a church bulletin in the dark. I'm sure the people behind us were praying, "Lord, help this crazy sister in front of us. Her cheese has done slipped off the cracker."

So far the biggest challenge by far has been finding time to write. We decided to set Saturdays aside as my writing day and while that seemed great, it hasn't worked out for me yet. The first Saturday was a disaster that ended with me slinking off to Chick-fil-A for an ice cream, which I ate while pouting in the parking lot, cursing my husband because he had spent most of the day napping instead of helping with the baby like he promised. Saturday number two, Ada was teething on my notes. After a particularly great day of creativity, I rushed upstairs to jot notes once Travis came home on Tuesday and ended up stopping because he was standing at the doorway saying over and over again, "Puppy, poop or baby?" I wasn't ignoring him, I was just in the zone, but that ended quickly. Believe me, my husband supports me 100% in this, so if I've made him sound like an insensitive brute, that isn't the case. Really, life is just crazy and as the wife and mama, I'm usually the ring leader of this goat rodeo. And if I've learned anything the last few weeks, it's that rodeos are never quiet. Never.

Basically, this book isn't going to get written if I don't escape my very lovely, but very noisy nest a few times a week. I've sold just about everything in our house that will hold still long enough, taken on a few odd jobs and searched for pennies in the cushions of the couch to replace my broken laptop. I'm still a little short so I thought I'd reach out to you, my bloggy-friends. I have a flock of 17 birds, all beautifully decoupaged with vintage book pages. Each bird was lovingly handmade and has a special detail and if I can find a home for all of them, I should have enough to replace my laptop and slink off to a quiet corner of the world to write, write, write.

I feel guilty asking you to help me with a project that you know nothing about so here is a brief synopsis of Mother Muse:

Cora Rae Jones has come undone. Just three weeks after the birth of her daughter, Hurricane Gert sweeps up the coast of South Carolina, destroying her late father's fleet of shrimping boats. Though they've spent three years trying to keep the shrimping company and her father's memory alive, Cora's flighty and superstitious mother takes the hurricane as a sign from God that she needs to head North and take care of her own mother, Gertrude. Left with no job, no childcare and only her mother as a reference, Cora answers an ad posted by a woman in Midway, Kentucky who is looking for someone to care for her estranged mother in Bluffton, South Carolina. Though the pay isn't great, Cora is able to take her daughter along as she cooks, cleans and helps Hazel in the garden. But bad luck strikes again when Hazel suddenly dies, leaving Cora with the daunting task of finding another job as soon as she's finished cleaning out the house so the family can begin turning it into a bed and breakfast. As she is cleaning out a closet, Cora comes across a box of notebooks in which Hazel has written to her daughter since the late 1950s. Through these old letters, written by a woman she barely knew, Cora finds herself and the courage she needs to move forward.

So, if you want to find out how the story ends, please hop on over to my Etsy shop and adopt a word bird. Hopefully, it will be exactly what I need to set this story free!

Labor Day Picking...

2011-09-05T21:24:00.000-04:00

I think my friends on American Pickers would be proud of my garage sale pick...

It is a "New Our Big Book" published in 1951. It has some water damage which is disappointing but just wait until you see what is inside. I've placed a book beside it so you can get an idea of how large it is.

Oh, sweet simplicity! Eeek!

Don't you just love picking?!

Well, here goes...

2011-09-02T11:25:00.000-04:00

I have a confession:

I have not been so sick, worried or consumed over something since I was pregnant with Ada. What has caused this? Well, after five years of thinking and planning, I've started writing my novel.

Let me take you back. I wish I could say the first months of marriage were sheer bliss but that would be a lie. It wasn't anything to do with my husband. That part of my life was bliss. It was other, darker things, going on behind the scenes that had left me in a very deep depression. I have not spoken of this time publicly before but to be honest, I would drop Travis off (we only had one car) at his job at Toyota before 6 AM and spend the entire day in our tiny apartment, crying. It was a very dark period in my life. I ended up leaving school (I was a senior in college) for a semester and as silly as it sounds, getting a job at Starbucks really pulled me out of that place. I have described this phase of my life to my mom before as that scene in Forest Gump when Lt. Dan rides out the hurricane, challenging God, on the Jenny. My problem was not that I didn't believe in God; I had gone through too much and KNEW that God was present in my life. The fact that God wasn't fixing things I needed Him to fix made me furious. Really important things, things I thought He should worry about too. Basically, I decided to ignore God if He was going to ignore me.

I remember one day being at a particularly low place. I had tried to pray but nothing came out and I just sat in the floor, crying. All of a sudden the words Mother Muse started running through my head. I literally said, out loud, "What the Hell is a Mother Muse?" I didn't know for sure until I sat on the beach, five years later, staring out into the ocean. It's this story. This story that has played in my mind like tattered memories of another life. This story that makes me stop at red lights to call my husband's phone and leave a voicemail with entire passages that just flood my heart and mind as suddenly as rushing water.

Why am I sick? Because I have fallen so in love with these characters, I feel overwhelmed by the task of setting them free on paper. What if you don't love them like I love them? What if I don't do them justice? What if I can't do this? What if no one wants to publish this book? The truth is, I sort of feel like a sham. I'm not writing this novel. This novel is just flowing through me. It's as if it is being dictated to me.

I'm sick because how on Earth will I finish this when I spend most of my day blowing raspberries, watching "Yo Gabba Gabba" and singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" over and over again to Ada's delight? What about the laundry? The dishes? Dinner? When am I ever by myself long enough to actually write a book?

This morning, I put Ada down in her crib for a nap. She's been crying ever since. I feel like my heart and head are going split open and spill all over the floor. I hate letting her cry but I know we both need the rest. I opened my Bible and found these words, these words I so desperately needed to read today:

"I will cry to God Most High who performs on my behalf and rewards me- who brings to pass His purposes for me and surely completes them." Psalm 57:2

How am I going to do this? I guess I'll just give Him my hands. It's always been His story, anyway.

Garden Fresh Spaghetti Sauce

2011-08-31T11:42:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite things to do with my grandparents when I was a kid was helping in the garden. Travis and I wanted to do a garden in our backyard last year but with the wicked morning (all-day) sickness I was experiencing, we decided to skip it so I was excited to get my hands in the ground this summer. We built a small, 4X4 garden box in our backyard and planted crookneck squash, cucumbers, peppers, cabbage and tomatoes. The total cost of our little box was about $100 (which included materials for the box, soil and plants.)

Some of our late-summer harvest

The squash started coming in just as Ada was starting solids so I've been able to save a bundle on making her food, which is all-natural and still warm from the sun when I start steaming it! Of course, we've saved a lot of money skipping the produce aisle and shopping in our own backyard. Here is one of my favorite, garden-fresh recipes I've come up with. You'll need:

1 cup chopped onion
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/3 cup red wine
4 cups chopped, peeled tomatoes (6 large or 8 medium)
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1 teaspoon sugar (I add a little extra to taste)
Salt (to taste)
Pepper (to taste)
1-2 teaspoons of Pampered Chef Crush Peppercorn and Garlic Rub (optional)
Oregano (to taste)
1 pound hamburger
8 ounces spaghetti

1. In a dutch oven or large pot, cook onion and garlic in oil until tender. I like to add a little oregano at this point. It makes the house smell AMAZING.

2. Stir in the red wine, tomatoes, tomato paste, herbs, sugar, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer. I watch the sauce at this point and add additional herbs if needed. We really like pepper so I go by appearance and taste. Basically, if it doesn't look peppery, it's not peppery enough!

3. Meanwhile, cook the pasta and hamburger. I like to add the Pampered Chef Crushed Peppercorn and Garlic rub to the meat to give it a good flavor. That is hands-down my favorite PC product and I use it in just about everything.

4. Let the sauce simmer and continue to nurse to flavor. Once you have it to your liking (I sometimes throw in a little more red wine just to get it there) I drain and toss the spaghetti and meat into the pot with the sauce and serve.

5. Enjoy!

Being Still

2011-08-30T11:18:00.000-04:00

As I sit down here to write this, I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief like I'm putting on my skinny jeans or something. From the bottom of my heart, I've missed you, Blog-Friends.

Life has been crazy lately. When I left my full-time job in May, I knew I'd go through a "finding my footing" phase but Lord, have mercy, it's been more of a "pick myself up off the floor and wipe the dirt off my face" phase. Everyone has crazy so instead of talking about mine, I thought I'd just keep quiet. That and I haven't had a moment to myself to actually sit and write outside of my assignments. But I've started working on a Bible study called Victoriously Frazzled with some women from my church and today's scripture was about finding our secret place ("He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty" Psalm 91:1) and believe it or not, this very public blog is so often my "secret place." Life seems clearer when I'm writing about it, I guess. So here goes...

In the beginning of July, Ada stopped sleeping through the night suddenly. She had been a perfect sleeper since she started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks without any effort on my part. I woke up one morning and realizing I slept all night, rushed to the Pack N' Play to check on her. There she was, making happy noises and smiling. But then July...no more sleep. I was on deadline for a book so we did what we could to survive and ended up bringing her to bed with us. She has been in bed with us ever since and though she sleeps through the night perfectly as long as she is beside me, we're trying to transition her to her own bed. Since she naps after feedings, the only time she has slept is if I am holding her. As much as I love that child, spending 24 hours with her attached to me in one way or another while trying to balance both my freelance writing/editing, Mary Kay and day to day crazy, has left me more than a little haggard. Travis has taken to calling her my little lamprey because she is ALWAYS on me.

To deal with this, I've read everything I can get my hands on about baby sleep, from crying it out to co-sleeping. I didn't know it before but I guess my natural parenting style leans towards Attachment Parenting (with a heavy focus on nurturing and reading the baby's ques) so the structure of the Baby Wise philosophy has been difficult for me to implement because I'm just not that structured myself (I think it is a great philosophy but I'm just too scattered!) We tried letting her cry it out on Sunday night (again) and we ended up huddled together outside of her room, a big hot crockpot of a mess. I started reading The No-Cry Solution as I sat outside of her door and decided to start slow on Monday with naps. "Maybe," I thought, "If I make her bed a safe place for her during the day, the night will come easier for all of us."

She typically falls asleep nursing around 10 AM so I took her upstairs about 15 minutes before that and we sat together to read. She nursed for a few moments and when she was starting to doze, I moved her to her bed. She was shocked and unhappy to leave my lap but I turned on some peaceful music, pulled the door closed and busied myself with laundry. She cried for 15 minutes and every now and then, I'd sneak a peak. She fought sleep so hard and it just broke my heart to watch. Through the crack in the door, I watched her scream and rub her little eyes thinking, "Just sleep, Baby. Just sleep."

As I read my Bible study this morning, it dawned on me that God must feel that way about me so often. I struggle and struggle through the day, trying to go about things my own way as He watches thinking, "Just be still and you'll get what you need."

When it eventually became quiet, I peaked in on her once more and she had finally drifted to sleep. She napped for 2 1/2 hours (I almost did a jig!) then napped for another 2 hours that afternoon and again yesterday evening. She's napping now and I feel like God has used that sweet baby to teach me yet another lesson: that if I am just still, He will give me the peace and rest I need.

My Un-Pregnancy: Weeks 15 and 16

2011-07-28T09:43:00.000-04:00

I'm embarrassed to admit how terrified I was throughout the first trimester of my pregnancy. I had a doctor tell me once that the closer I got to my 30th birthday, the less likely I'd be able to "get pregnant, stay pregnant or survive pregnancy." At 25-years-old, I had struggled to get pregnant and once I was, those words hung over my head. I remember one time in particular, when I was just starting to feel what I know now was my uterus growing and stretching, how scared I was to move from the couch. I just knew that if I stood, I'd do some type of damage to the baby. It was irrational but I was so afraid of losing the baby.

Once the second trimester came around, I felt more secure. I realized then that things could still go wrong but my outlook changed quite a bit. Rather than trying to fight off every bad possibility in my head, I just enjoyed the moment. I lightened up. I appreciated the experience of feeling that baby grow.

I'm going through that again. Ada is almost 6 months now and when I think back over her months here with us, I am amazed by how scared I was in the first weeks of her life. It wasn't motherhood that scared me. I felt like that came naturally to me; it is the most comfortable I've ever been in a life role. It was other things like money, childcare and people texting on the highway that suddenly put me on edge. Looking back, I lived my day white-knuckled, bracing for all of my bliss to come crashing down around me because in the back of my head there was this little voice that said this is too wonderful to be true.

So here I stand on the other side of Ada's first months and I've endured the stress of leaving my full-time job to start two home businesses, the fear of losing a steady paycheck and all of the other new-momma stresses, from blow-out diapers to unsolicited advice, and I'm finally starting to realize that I need to just slow down some and enjoy this time for what it is.

I can thank Little Bit for that.

She's been sitting up on her own for the last few weeks. This morning she was sitting on the floor and we were playing. She started to topple over and of course, I rushed to steady her but before I could catch her, she caught herself. She put one confident, little arm down and found her balance. It made me think that if this fragile baby girl can be filled with wonder about her world and eagerly approach each new challenge knowing that she is limited and can fall over, then so can I.

White Chocolate Peach Dessert Pizza

2011-07-25T23:56:00.000-04:00

This simple and delicious recipe is made perfect with locally grown peaches and a scoop of vanilla ice cream!

You'll need:

1 refrigerated pie crust (or pizza crust)
2 peaches, peeled, cored and diced
1 cup white chocolate morsels
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup oats
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 stick butter, softened

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. As the oven is preheating, roll out the pie crust onto a round pizza stone or pan. (I like to let the dough come to room temperature before doing this so it doesn't rip.)

Bake the dough for 8-10 minutes. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, brown sugar, oats, sugar, ginger and cinnamon. Cut in the butter until the mixture is crumbly. If you haven't already done so, this is a great time to core, peel and cut the peaches.

Remove the crust from the oven and top with half the white chocolate chip morsels. Spread the diced peaches over the white chocolate then sprinkle the streusel topping over both layers. Add the remaining white chocolate chips and bake for 8-10 minutes or until golden. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream.

Want another treat? This week only, I'm offering followers of A Lovely Place to Land a 10% discount and free shipping at my Mary Kay online store. Order $50 or more in product by Friday and you'll be entered to win a free pedicure kit! Winner will be announced here next Monday.

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 13 and 14

2011-07-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel like you are spinning your wheels and not going anywhere?

Yeah, me too.

I spent most of last week trying to nap between 9 PM and midnight so I could get up, fix a pot of coffee and write until Ada's 7 AM feeding because the first draft of Sacred Places of Kentucky was due on Friday. That is usually my best time to write because the party of three (hubby, baby and dog) are all sleeping. That didn't work out for me last week though. Ada woke up and stayed up most of the night. Travis did too because he got some new video game. And Scout, well, she sat at my feet barking so I'd throw her toy. I was hopeful that Ada's sleeping routine would go back to normal but it hasn't and like clock work, she has woken me up every night (or morning, I should say) at 4 AM to nurse and play. So with our out-of-whack nighttime schedule, our morning is out-of-whack too which throws the whole day into a frenzy. I feed her at 4 AM then again at 7 AM, at which point we crash until 9 AM then wake up in a hurry to get writing, Mary Kay and household tasks finished (or at least started) by her 10 AM feeding. I swear, you don't realize how short 3 hours are until you are feeding a baby.

Even on days when I manage to get us started on the right foot, I have this feeling that I'm carrying everything in brown paper bags that are ripping at the seams. And I am my worst enemy right now. "Yes, Amanda," I find myself saying, "You managed to write a book last week but you still haven't sent thank you cards out for Ada's last shower." Or "Congrats on having a record-setting day with your Mary Kay business. Now if only you could find time to do a craft for your craft blog (it has been months since you've touched a hot glue gun) I would let you off the hook!" And don't get me started on unanswered emails, Facebook wall posts and phone calls I have failed to return. I feel like I am playing Frogger and trying not to be run over by the day.

Luckily, I'm not alone in this feeling. I ran into a good friend at the Dollar Tree who looked as frazzled as I know I did. She said that she was there to buy some Comet so she could clean her sink. "I've been reading the Fly Lady's tips on getting your life together," she said. "It all starts with the kitchen sink."

So I went home and logged on to the Fly Lady's website to see if I could find peace in the bottom of a shiny kitchen sink. And while Ada was napping, I scrubbed and scrubbed my kitchen sink. You know what? It did make me feel better. It forced me to stay in one place and focus on one thing, something I really struggle with. It gave me a little control in the midst of a lot of chaos. It gave me results. And it gave me motivation to slowly conquer other things. Life still feels pretty nuts but every evening, I've tried to return to my kitchen sink to give her a good shine. I know it sounds small and trivial but when everything else is a wreck, it feels good to have one place that is under control.

If you're feeling frazzled, I do recommend hopping over to the Fly Lady's site. It's pretty amazing!

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 12

2011-07-01T04:09:00.000-04:00

It is almost 4 a.m. and I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee. This has become my writing time. The only period of the day when the phone isn't ringing, the dog isn't barking and my little family is sleeping with full bellies and no immediate needs. This time of the day has sort of become a sanctuary for me, my sacred writing time, but for the last week I've not had the pleasure of seeing this time of the day. Weird things have gone wrong all week, keeping me from dragging myself out of bed to write. But just as I sat down to write, feeling triumphant that I was able to meet my date with 3 a.m., Little Bit woke up crying. I rocked her and rocked her, sang, nursed and wooed on sleep. Nope. No sleep, just giggles. Finally, she fell asleep and I put her gently in her bed but she was like a doll with confused little eyes. Instead of them closing when I laid her down, they popped open, big and eager. So here we sit, a pile of things I need to write next to me, deadlines creeping up on me and the realization that writing is becoming more difficult with each passing day.

But oh, how glorious this baby girl is, all wide-eyed and hopeful. So excited to see what her mommy is working on, so eager to be in my lap. These are the moments I'll miss most when she is 16 and wants nothing to do with me.

I've thought about Proverbs 31 a lot lately. I keep hoping something new will jump out at me and teach me how to be everything I'm being called to be right now. I keep hoping I'll learn how to make my arms strong for this task. Today, something finally jumped off the page:

"...She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

The other day, I was trying to get ready for a big Mary Kay show. I had a 700 word quota I had set for myself to finish the first draft of the coffee table book I'm working on that I hadn't met for the day. The dog was barking, the baby was screaming and my husband couldn't find the toilet paper. I had mascara rubbed all the way to my temples, my hair hadn't been washed, there was spit up down my left shoulder and since I still haven't found time to go shopping, I was wearing maternity shorts. You know what I did? I sat down on the kitchen floor with a tub of chocolate icing and a spoon. She can laugh at the days to come.

I'm not complaining but life is crazy right now. REALLY crazy. But at the end of the day, or beginning of the day, I am so overjoyed to have all of this crazy.

My sweet girl has finally fallen asleep and though I need to get some writing done, I'm finding it hard to take my eyes off of her. It takes longer for me to write and I can't remember the last time I touched my glue gun but I wouldn't trade this time for anything, even when it is so crazy I have to eat icing to survive. So, hang in there with me. Eventually I'll have time to craft but for now, I'm just enjoying the most beautiful and fulfilling thing I've ever had the pleasure of creating...

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 11

2011-06-22T04:05:00.002-04:00

By the 11th week of pregnancy, the baby's ears have almost assumed their place on the head. The baby won't begin to hear until the 18th week but even this early, the equipment is there.

This is sort of how I'm feeling 11 weeks into my un-pregnancy: the equipment is there but I'm not fully functioning. I've yet to hear.

Since I decided to become a work-at-home mom, I've struggled with how to structure my day. Should I spend the day cleaning? Writing? Working my Mary Kay business? Giving that sweet, little belly of Ada's raspberries? It isn't like I'm waking up and leisurely thinking "Hmmm...what to do today?" It's more like a game of Frogger. I'm trying not to be run over. I'm like a deer caught in the headlights. This lifestyle that I thought would be so freeing is often times heavier than I anticipated. The guilt I had over going to work and leaving Ada with someone else has been replaced with guilt over spending too much time with her and not enough on other things that will bring home extra income to take some of the financial burden off my husband. When I get too focused on work, I feel guilty that Ada has spent too many hours looking at the back of my head, getting a pacifier shoved in her mouth, while I work on writing projects or orders. It reminds me of a feeling I started having around this time in pregnancy: the ache of my uterus growing and stretching to accommodate another life.

Every week of my pregnancy, I compared that little life to a fruit or vegetable so I could picture her size. At 11 weeks, she was the size of a lime. That sweet, little baby sleeping so soundly in her Pack N' Play right now was the size of a lime. And you know what? At the time, I remember thinking how will I ever have enough room for her? The truth is, I'm still wondering. How will I ever have enough time to read the Bible daily when I barely make time to eat more than what I can grab with one hand as I pass through the kitchen? How will I manage writing and running a business from home? How will I find time to read bedtime stories, kiss boo-boos and teach lessons? How will I cut coupons, fold towels and wash out spit-up without leaving my husband with nothing but scraps of myself? How will I savor these moments that are passing me so quickly?

As I sit here in a silent house at 3:30 a.m., the answer seems so clear. I am trying too hard to be too much. I am still not depending entirely on God. I have ears but they aren't working yet. I don't feel like I can fit everything I need to be into this skin I've been given.

Aren't we all in this boat? Trying too hard to be everything, to wear all of the hats?

I just stumbled across 1 Corinthians 3:7 which says, "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." I so desperately need Him to make me grow right now so why I am still trying to do it on my own? In pregnancy, I didn't force my belly to grow each week. I did not mark off on my to-do list "make Ada the size of an apple today." I didn't expect her to hear until her ears were right where they needed to be. And when I really think about it, has God demanded that I am all of those things or am I the one demanding myself to be all of those things?

It is me. I am the demanding one. I am the hat maker.

So, I'm going to try to be still and remember that even though I have a long way to go, I've come a long way by the grace of a God who is elbow-deep in my crazy. The biggest change I need to make this week is going to God's word. I don't know why I put this off so much. I don't know why I don't start my day reading the Bible when I know that it is the water I need. I've decided to do this during Ada's 10 a.m. feeding for a few reasons. First, I am awake enough during that feeding to function. Second, I have to sit still. Third, I want meal times to become a time of thanksgiving for her so what better way to start that lesson? That is my goal for the week. How will you drink to grow this week?

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 10

2011-06-15T09:33:00.002-04:00

Perhaps I should have called this series my un-doing instead of my un-pregnancy because I certainly feel undone. It's funny but by the 10th week of pregnancy, you have a baby and not a fetus. The skeleton has started to form and the bones are becoming stronger so they'll eventually be able to carry weight (the key word here being eventually.) 10 weeks into my un-pregnancy and I feel like I'm seeing slow and steady growth but I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. I've always thought that if I work harder, put every ounce of myself into whatever is before me, I'd overcome. I'd strengthen myself. This is what I will always consider to be my greatest failure and it has taken infertility, pregnancy, delivering a baby and raising that baby to realize this truth:

I am trying to tie my life together into a neat package with the clumsy fingers of a newborn and God, in His infinite patience and love, is stooping to undo my messy bow.

Last week I told you that I am joyful. That wasn't a lie but I want to draw you a better picture of the state of life at the Hervey house. It's like we've both been kicked in the teeth but we're smiling a raw, toothless grin anyway. It has been hard. It has been frustrating. At times I am overwhelmed with joy and other times I am spinning out of control. There have been moments that I will regret the rest of my life because through these cracks that have formed in me from the stress we've been under, hard words and meanness have slipped out of me. I have said hurtful things, shouted words I don't use, doubted. I have been stretched so much that I can't help but see the light through my thin and weary places.

A few weeks ago, one of my readers suggested that I read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I rushed out that afternoon to buy the book because, as the book's tag line promises, I needed someone to challenge me to live fully right where I am. It has been the hardest thing I have ever read. Her writing is brilliant but her words are not to be approached lightly; they are sharp and painful. It is like taking a knife to all of that scar tissue in your soul. But she wrote something that has changed me. She said that maybe God lets life tear holes in us because we're able to see Him through those hurt places. Where we are bare, ragged and exposed, He is more visible. The only thing is, we have to let Him be visible and more often than not, we are driving ourselves into the ground to patch up the holes and tie ourselves back together.

I have more soul holes than fingers now and I'm tired of trying to fix it all on my own.

I don't want to give too much of One Thousand Gifts away because I think you should stop reading right now and go pick up your copy, but what if the key to a full life is being thankful? As women, don't we always say we're thankful but really hide the fact that we're not? On Sunday, I sat with my husband, mother, grandmother and daughter on the back porch, in the sunshine with full bellies and laughter in the air, thinking not about my blessings but lamenting the fact that my neighbor's deck looks so much nicer than my own. What is wrong with me that in a moment overflowing with blessing, I see lack? Why have I spent so much time wishing I was thin like that girl, wealthy like another, adored publicly like that girl is by her husband and so easy to get along with like her when God has given me more than I deserve? How many times have I asked God to empty me of me and fill me with Him only to secretly hope He chooses someone else so I can just go on with my day, unchallenged? I am just like a child, kicking and crying because the much-too-generous gift I've received isn't what I wanted or thought I needed.

I think of God's love like water and I've realized that I spend a lot of time letting Him fill my bucket, only to dump it out into too many cups, leaving myself empty and stressed because there is never enough when I'm trying to portion it myself. Instead, I need to let His love flow through me and out of those holes I've been trying too hard to fix myself. The answer is so simple I'm embarrassed that I missed it: All I have to do is be vulnerable and stay connected to Him. That is all He is asking of me. It's all He is asking of any of us. He just wants us to be more of a hose and less of a bucket.

I thank God for your holes today and pray that, despite the pain associated with those ragged places, you find peace in knowing that the rest of us are able to see Him through your hurts. To see the light shining through where life has left you too thin and weary. May we all be undone together.

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 9 (A Few Days Late)

2011-06-08T10:59:00.000-04:00

I hope you don't think I'm bragging but I AM JOYFUL!

Do you remember what you felt like as a five-year-old? I remember waking up with the sunlight instead of an alarm clock, watching cartoons with a bowl of cereal in my lap, soaking in a baby pool in the backyard and having so many adventures that I fell asleep wherever I landed at the end of the day. That is sort of how life feels right now. I am blissful.

Before you think I'm being obnoxious, let me say that not everyone would find as much joy in my day as I do. I think like most moms, I've learned that there is no clock-out time. With several writing projects in the works, a new business to run and a 4-month old, I feel like I have replaced my one full time job with three others. I go non-stop all day, which is why this post is so late. I'm creating to-do lists for my to-do lists. And I'm finding that doing all of this with a baby in tow just adds to the chaos. For instance, I went to change Ada yesterday before running to the bank and this fountain of urine went straight up, soaking us both. I didn't even know girls could pee that way! So I rushed to clean us both up and get to the bank so I could get back, make dinner and make it to my Mary Kay unit meeting on time. Some people would call my day tedious but I'm loving every minute.

There is a quote I keep on my washing machine that expresses what I'm failing to say:

"We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry."

E.B. White

My life is still messy. It's still crazy, over-scheduled and sometimes frustrating. But in trusting my heart, I've found peace in the storm. For me, waking up with the sunlight and happy baby noises makes all of the messy details of life fall into place. Doing the dishes while the Today show is on in the background, rushing to write a paragraph during nap time, ha, even cleaning up pee makes me feel more myself than anything else has. I feel like I'm finally home in this skin.

If you get time, hop over to my new creative beauty blog, Mary and Martha Everyday! If you have beauty questions, contact me at amandaherveymk@gmail.com. If your question is chosen, you'll receive a gift!

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 8

2011-05-30T11:24:00.000-04:00

I have this memory from high school that changed the way I think about time. It was a Friday night and I was at an away football game with my dance team. I was wearing red and black plaid from head to toe (we were the Highlanders) and it was the first crisp night of fall. The band was playing, the crowd was cheering and my friends were laughing. It all sounds romantic now but at the time, it was just a Friday night. As I looked around though, taking it all in, I had the strangest feeling come over me. I knew standing there that all of it, the music, the air, the crunch of the uniforms as the football players tackled each other, all of it was temporary. Glorious and fleeting. So I began to savor moments.

I had one of those moments this morning when I woke up, the sun shining on what sort of feels like the first day of the rest of my life.

My last day at my full time job was Friday. I cried like a baby the whole way home because I feel like I'm going through some sort of breakup. But when I woke up this morning to Ada's happy noises coming from her crib beside me, I remembered why I've turned our lives upside down. Because these moments are temporary. Eventually, she'll stop scanning the room to find me. She won't light up just because I speak to her. She will lose those dimples on the backs of her hands and in her elbows. Eventually, she will stand at a football game or prom or graduation and realize for herself that time moves too quickly. And when she does, I want her to be able to look back on her childhood and know that even if I couldn't stop time, I taught her to savor it.

So, I'm off to fill up her baby pool and sit on the deck with some Jack Johnson tunes in the background and the love of my life beside me. Today is a day worth savoring.

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 7

2011-05-23T20:20:00.001-04:00

Do any of you feel like you're weird?

Yesterday I went to an event for moms at my church and I spent half of it kicking myself for being so awkward. I feel like I get around other people sometimes and I don't know what to say. Then I get so caught up in not knowing what to say that I find myself tripping over my words. And oh, the dreaded word vomit. Ugh, I'm sick just thinking about it. So as I sat there on the couch listening to the guest speaker share her testimony, wringing my hands because not only do I suffer from social speech impediments but my hands suddenly start sweating and grow 5 times larger and more clumsy, inside I was screaming why on Earth did you leave the house?!?!

But then the guest speaker (one of those women who look like they have it ALL together) said something that broke through my anxiety. She said that her pre-teen daughter felt like she didn't fit in with the girls in her class. She felt weird. Awkward. And her response was so beautiful: she told her daughter that when she felt weird or like she didn't fit in, that was when her light was shining. A special light that God gave her and only her. It occurred to me then that this woman was speaking from experience. She must feel weird sometimes too.

I've thought about that all day today. I believe with my whole heart that God gives us each a light like that so I wonder, do we all feel weird and awkward? And if we do, why aren't we talking about it? Why are we as women so afraid to be vulnerable with each other? So, if you're weird and awkward, tell me about it. Let your light shine! And if you've ever met shy, awkward Amanda, I want you to know that this is what I am really like and I am going to try my best to be more transparent and vulnerable. I can't carry a tune in a bucket but who am I to deny the world a "Pocket Full of Sunshine" right?!

My Unpregnancy: Week 6

2011-05-16T12:25:00.002-04:00

By the sixth week of pregnancy, the heart has started beating. The eyes and ears are forming and so begins the period of most rapid growth. In the sixth week of my un-pregnancy, I feel like I am listening to my heart for the first time in a long time and as a result, I am seeing and hearing things so differently.

It occurred to me Saturday while I sat pumping in a bathroom at the Galt House in Louisville, that my life has become unrecognizable. A modest girl by nature (I used to change for gym class in the bathroom instead of the locker room) there I sat with my bra undone as women passed in a storm to the restrooms. I even had a few conversations. Yes, one boob exposed, talking to strangers. Old Amanda would have DIED. And then there is the reason why I was at the Galt House in the first place. Amanda from a week ago had no plan to be there but the week had gone rather differently than planned. Let me explain:

I have always wanted to have a child. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Last year, it looked like I wouldn't be either. I remember sitting at Chick-fil-A a few days after I was diagnosed with infertility, watching the other women play with their children and unwrap lunches. There was one woman in particular that broke my heart. She was loving on a little, dark-haired girl who was wearing a tutu with rain boots. I was so sick with envy, I threw my lunch away and sat crying in my car.

Last June, I took a positive pregnancy test and my life has never been the same. I don't know if I have the words to describe my joy. I had gone through that infertility struggle hating myself for knowing and feeling that child that I didn't have in my heart. Then suddenly, that child I longed for was there. She came to me so softly and quietly that I didn't even notice her presence. Well, until the morning sickness began and I was very aware of her presence.

With pregnancy came the battle over whether to work or stay home. I never felt like this was a decision I had to make; I felt like it was made for me. We couldn't afford for me to stay home. Black and white. Not an option. The struggle was over my guilt and disappointment for not being able to be home with this baby I so desperately wanted to bring into this world. I know wonderful women who work and raise children and I admire them more than I can say. It wasn't that I thought I'd be a bad mom if I worked. I just didn't want to miss a single moment of this child that I thought I'd never have.

In the last three weeks, my daycare plans have fallen through and I've struggled to piece together child care. I have had wonderful family members and friends step up to help me but even when I've found someone I trust to be with Ada, I've felt like my heart is going to break because I am not with her. I just kept praying, "God, give me a way to make this work. You've put it on my heart to be home with her. Why aren't you giving me a solution?!"

After a bad day at work, I spent hours trying to apply for part time work on Craigslist. I was desperate. I answered an ad for a part time position as someone's personal assistant who had the option of working from home. "I could stay home with Ada if I did that," I thought. I knew it was a long shot and probably even spam but like I said, I was desperate.

Within minutes, I got a reply. It was a name I recognized. It was the woman I buy Mary Kay from! I sent a message back and from there, things have been moving at a break-neck speed. We met at 10:00pm one night, after I got Ada to sleep, and she told me all about her experience. Three years ago she was in danger of losing her job due to the economy, so she bought her kit and got started. Within 6 months, she had her first car. Now she is a director on her third car and on her way to earning her pink Cadillac with a team of more than 30 women.

Travis and I prayed about it and after another really rough day at work, I decided to buy the starter kit and quit my job. It was $100. $100 that we don't have because without my income and benefits, what is leftover from Travis' paycheck isn't enough to afford dinner at Chick-fil-A let alone groceries. By Saturday, I was sitting at a Mary Kay seminar with hundreds of women who have taken the same leap of faith and succeeded. But still, even with evidence that I could do this, waves of panic and hysteria kept washing over me. So I sat there pumping, on the verge of tears, praying for a sign that I was doing the right thing.

The next morning at church, I felt this overwhelming need to go forward and ask for prayer. I've never done anything like that before. Remember, I'm the girl who changed clothes in the bathroom instead of the locker room. I went to the person closest to me, a woman I didn't know and have never seen, and it was like a dam broke letting all of the fear and uncertainty I had about my decision to stay home despite our very bleak financial situation come rushing out. She prayed with me and I went back to my seat, calm for the first time in weeks.

At the end of the service, the woman stopped me. "My husband and I talked and we want to give you this," she said, handing me a folded check. "I don't know your name so I left that part blank." I didn't know what to say. I was stunned. I didn't open the check until I got to the lobby. I was just being pushed through the crowd, in sort of a dreamlike state. When I did open the check, it was for $100. The EXACT amount of the Mary Kay kit. The kit we couldn't afford but bought anyway, hoping that God would provide a solution.

I would be lying if I said that I am not scared but with a sign like that, how could I not believe that I am doing the right thing. I had three problems last week: I wanted to be home with Ada, I couldn't afford being home with Ada, and my car is about to kick the bucket any time now. I feel like God has given me a solution to all of those problems and with flexibility so I can continue to write freelance. At church yesterday, our pastor preached about Jonah. He said that God provided a fish to swallow Jonah. That has gone through my mind a thousand times since yesterday. Though the last three weeks have been more stressful than I can describe, I feel like they were the fish God provided for us. A blessing in disguise. Old Amanda wouldn't recognize me today but I think she'd be proud. Maybe even envious.

So, if you want to host a party or know someone who does, I know someone who would be very grateful...

Today's Inspiration:

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

What I Am Most Thankful For This Week:
For very big, scary fishes.

Keep Swimming

2011-05-11T21:34:00.000-04:00

Words have failed me today so I thought I'd just show you how I'm feeling:

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow WILL be better.

My Un-Pregnancy: Week 5

2011-05-08T17:27:00.006-04:00

One of the drawbacks to documenting your life in blog form is that you become prey for the critics. From time to time you'll open your email to find harsh words and if you're strong, you'll ignore them and go on about your day. But sometimes the words hit that crack in your armor and you fall apart. Last week one such critic (who so bravely remained anonymous) accused me of having a "perfect, little life" and though I've been accused of worse, the words hurt.

My life is not perfect, I wanted to scream at this person.
For hours, I walked around stewing over the comment and listing everything that was wrong in my life.

I have no childcare for next week.

I live 90 minutes away from family.

I want to stay home and can't afford to stay home. I feel like my heart is breaking.

I live at least an hour away from my closest friends. I feel so alone here in Lexington sometimes.

I lost a hubcap! Could my car BE any more ghetto?!

Ada has a double ear infection. She won't let me put her down.

Money is tight. Money is always tight.

I have nothing to wear.

I want to start a business. I don't know how to start a business. Do I really want to start a business?

The dog is eating her poop again.

I went over $160 on my phone bill.

Ada had a blow out. There is poop in her hair. There is poop everywhere.

The dog won't stop barking at me. What the heck does she want?!

Did I mention I have no childcare for next week? And even if I find it, I'm still sad. I want to be her childcare.

I don't have any chocolate.

I ate too much chocolate.

I'm on deadline. I can't think to write!

The truth is, my life is not perfect. I am awkward. I always have paint on my clothes or in my hair. I have nothing to talk about when I sit at the lunch table with the other girls. When I try, the words come out all wrong. I can NEVER open those produce baggies at the grocery store and I sometimes get so mad that I spaz out and look like a crazy woman, cussing out a little green baggie in front of the tomatoes. I am impatient. I am scatter-brained. I struggle to finish what I start. I hide clothes that I buy in the car until my husband isn't home so I can sneak them into the closet. I let people walk all over me and then take it out on the people I love most. I never return library books. I sneak in another Diet Coke even though I'm breastfeeding and know Ada shouldn't have too much caffeine. I never forward chain letters. I eat chocolate for breakfast. I have more hurts than I care to count.

So, to the person who accused me of having a perfect, little life: you were half right.

My life may not be perfect but it is poetic with rainbows and butterflies (I believe that is how you phrased it.) Because despite everything about me that makes me a walking disaster some days, I come home to a husband who loves me anyway. If I'm patient, he even opens the produce bags for me when we go grocery shopping. And I have a beautiful baby girl to remind me that God works through my weakness. I have friends and family who have helped me when the bottom fell out of my plans. Though your words hurt me, they did help me realize I've been feeling too sorry for myself to see all of the beauty in my life. And how will I ever teach my daughter to be confident and see beauty in her life if I'm constantly dissatisfied with my own? So thank you, anonymous critic. You've taught me a valuable lesson. I hope your week is filled with butterflies and rainbows too.

Today's Inspiration:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'" 2 Cor. 12:9

Treat of the Week:
A pedicure!

What I'm Thankful For This Week:
Grace

Fitness Goal:
Go to Zumba one day this week