That Time Travis Almost Got Off the Hook for Valentine’s Day

I know. I know. It’s Frugal Friday and I still haven’t posted the promised pictures from Ada’s third birthday party. To be fair, I am sick. SUPER SICK. And pregnant. And it’s Valentine’s Day and I look like this so you should probably pitty Travis as much as you pitty me:

So, instead of party pictures and tips on frugal party planning, I’m going to tell you a story. It’s the tale of how Travis almost got off the hook for Valentine’s Day. Gather round, friends.

The plague hit here on Tuesday. By “Ellen” time (which is 3 PM here in Kentucky) my temperature was 102.3 and I was trying to console our now 3-year-old Ada, who was devastated that the Olympics were on instead of Ellen (in case you haven’t heard about her love of Ellen, watch this.) I called Travis and said, “You have to come home. I am dying.” But he was in an important meeting and couldn’t come home so we persevered, or rather I told Ada we had to watch cartoons on my phone from the bed because there was a monster under there and our safest bet was to wait it out under the covers until Daddy got home. I know. I win parenting, right?

He finally came home and took over toddler wrangling and I fell asleep at 7:30 and didn’t wake up until 5 AM when I heard Ada crying in her sleep, “I need to hug my mommy! I need to hug my mommy!” When I reached out in the darkness to find her sleeping sideways between us, she was burning up. We had matching fevers (102) and sore throats so we snuggled, ate frozen cherries and lamented winter and its many plagues.

Travis stayed home the next day to take care of us and much to his dismay, take the dog to the groomer. He actually accused me of getting sick on purpose to avoid the groomer because our poor shih tzu, Scout, hadn’t had a hair cut in months and was terribly matted and pitiful looking. How did she get so matted? Well, she had fleas in October (in the midst of my first trimester vomit fest) from playing in the leaves I assume then got a terrible ear infection. From the flea baths and ear-chewing, she was looking pretty sad. So sad, in fact, I was convinced the groomer would call dog services or something and take my poor pup away to live with a new puppy mommy who would dress her in pink sweaters and feed her T-bones. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little relieved that Travis had to be the one to drop her off and explain why the dog looked as if she’d been sleeping in a dumpster.

I was already feeling the love vibes since he took the heat at the groomers and stayed home to nurse us back to health, but then that wonderful man came home with carry-out from my favorite Thai restaurant and as I watched him dish out a big bowl of hot, chicken pineapple curry (in my head, he was moving in slo-mo and all sexy-like) I could hear “Dreamweaver” playing in my head.

I slurped the hot soup up and let it coat my very, very sore throat. “You’re totally off the hook for Valentine’s Day,” I said.

He looked up, surprised. This is probably where I should tell you that he is historically bad with Valentine’s Day and birthdays. In fact, one birthday, he had to leave for a business trip and left a cake mix on the counter for me. True story. A cake mix. So, weeks before Valentine’s Day or my birthday, I have to start reminding him that he’s married.

But that soup. Oh, that soup.

“I am?” he said. “Like, totally off the hook?”

“Totally.”

And the love lasted for a few minutes and it was sweet. And then, he opened his mouth:

“Have you seen the new queen of Reddit?”

“No,” I said. “But that sounds like a fabulous job. I want to be the queen of Reddit!”

“Eh,” he said. “I don’t know if you can.”

This was my face:

“Why not?” I said.

“Well, she sews…” he said.

My face was still all like:

“And she bakes. Probably with glutens,” he said. “And, you’re creative but, well, I’ll just show you. She totally recreated the Weird Science poster. She even broke down a door!”

In case you’re not married to a die-hard nerd, I’ll just explain that it doesn’t get better than Weird Science. Maybe slave girl Princess Leia but Kelly LeBrock holds her own. I knew things were starting to look bleak before he even showed me this picture:

He could see that I was feeling pretty defeated. I mean, I was looking at that picture while looking like a wet dog. So, he tried to make me feel better.

“You’d probably have a lot in common with her! See, she paints!” he said.

Yes, she paints. And looks like this while she does it:

Have you ever seen me painting? It looks like this:

“And she likes to take baths, too!” he said.

“And,” he said, “Well, she has really nice pies…” Nice pies. He actually said she has nice pies.

“See,” he said. “She’s kind of like you but…”

“Better?” I said. And then my face was all like this:

And then I was like, “Sorry Man, but…”

And he delivered. For Valentine’s Day he got me something hot. K-cups. And he got me a Z-pack.

And, for Valentine’s Day, I’m letting him check out the Reddit queen. It’s the least I can do since she’s all like:

 And I look like this today:

Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends! Wishing you hot soup if you’re sick and pretty pies if that’s your thing.

2 Responses to “That Time Travis Almost Got Off the Hook for Valentine’s Day”

  1. Mimi Moore February 14, 2014 at 4:03 pm #

    You are sooooo stinkin’ cute!!! AND I hope you are feeling a little better…it does go away, I promise.

  2. Kayla Anderson March 9, 2014 at 9:40 am #

    How am I not commenting?? I swear I feel like I’m commenting after reading.. Anyway – wow. This was hilarious. I loved this so much. Laugh out loud funny. Thanks for that. :)

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