As I sit down here to write this, I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief like I'm putting on my skinny jeans or something. From the bottom of my heart, I've missed you, Blog-Friends.
Life has been crazy lately. When I left my full-time job in May, I knew I'd go through a "finding my footing" phase but Lord, have mercy, it's been more of a "pick myself up off the floor and wipe the dirt off my face" phase. Everyone has crazy so instead of talking about mine, I thought I'd just keep quiet. That and I haven't had a moment to myself to actually sit and write outside of my assignments. But I've started working on a Bible study called Victoriously Frazzled with some women from my church and today's scripture was about finding our secret place ("He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty" Psalm 91:1) and believe it or not, this very public blog is so often my "secret place." Life seems clearer when I'm writing about it, I guess. So here goes...
In the beginning of July, Ada stopped sleeping through the night suddenly. She had been a perfect sleeper since she started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks without any effort on my part. I woke up one morning and realizing I slept all night, rushed to the Pack N' Play to check on her. There she was, making happy noises and smiling. But then July...no more sleep. I was on deadline for a book so we did what we could to survive and ended up bringing her to bed with us. She has been in bed with us ever since and though she sleeps through the night perfectly as long as she is beside me, we're trying to transition her to her own bed. Since she naps after feedings, the only time she has slept is if I am holding her. As much as I love that child, spending 24 hours with her attached to me in one way or another while trying to balance both my freelance writing/editing, Mary Kay and day to day crazy, has left me more than a little haggard. Travis has taken to calling her my little lamprey because she is ALWAYS on me.
To deal with this, I've read everything I can get my hands on about baby sleep, from crying it out to co-sleeping. I didn't know it before but I guess my natural parenting style leans towards Attachment Parenting (with a heavy focus on nurturing and reading the baby's ques) so the structure of the Baby Wise philosophy has been difficult for me to implement because I'm just not that structured myself (I think it is a great philosophy but I'm just too scattered!) We tried letting her cry it out on Sunday night (again) and we ended up huddled together outside of her room, a big hot crockpot of a mess. I started reading The No-Cry Solution as I sat outside of her door and decided to start slow on Monday with naps. "Maybe," I thought, "If I make her bed a safe place for her during the day, the night will come easier for all of us."
She typically falls asleep nursing around 10 AM so I took her upstairs about 15 minutes before that and we sat together to read. She nursed for a few moments and when she was starting to doze, I moved her to her bed. She was shocked and unhappy to leave my lap but I turned on some peaceful music, pulled the door closed and busied myself with laundry. She cried for 15 minutes and every now and then, I'd sneak a peak. She fought sleep so hard and it just broke my heart to watch. Through the crack in the door, I watched her scream and rub her little eyes thinking, "Just sleep, Baby. Just sleep."
As I read my Bible study this morning, it dawned on me that God must feel that way about me so often. I struggle and struggle through the day, trying to go about things my own way as He watches thinking, "Just be still and you'll get what you need."
When it eventually became quiet, I peaked in on her once more and she had finally drifted to sleep. She napped for 2 1/2 hours (I almost did a jig!) then napped for another 2 hours that afternoon and again yesterday evening. She's napping now and I feel like God has used that sweet baby to teach me yet another lesson: that if I am just still, He will give me the peace and rest I need.
YAY AMANDA!!!! go momma... go momma!!! YAY!!!! with my two I set an alarm for 15 min whn I put them in their beds screaming (mainly anna) so that I can concentrate on the timer instead of the screaming. usually by the time the timer goes off she is asleep but boy is it hard sometimes to "fight" that child to bed. she has taken to sneaking out of her bed, turning on the light and playing quietly in her room without me knowing it. I have to set the timer to remind myself to chill out, put her back in the bed and close the door for AT LEAST 15 min. I typically ALWAYS win. Roger always gives up when I'm not around :) SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!! 2 whole hours of break!!! YAY
ReplyDeleteOh goodness Amanda, your little one sounds just like mine! Aliyah never was a fussy eater or colicky or anything else, she just never wanted to sleep without me! It took me a long time to realize it, but just because my child slept in our bed didn't mean that I was a "insert trendy parenting label" mom. Just like every child is different, so is every family. Co-sleeping just worked for us. Of course, if I could have figured out a way to get her to sleep on her own I would have loved it, but it just didn't work out that way. Now she goes to sleep fine, so obviously it didn't scar her. My point is, don't let books, websites, or anything else tell you that how you are parenting fits into any type of mold. You know your daughter best, and in the end you'll know what to do.
ReplyDeleteWhew, sorry for that book ;)