My Un-Pregnancy: Week 12

It is almost 4 a.m. and I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee. This has become my writing time. The only period of the day when the phone isn't ringing, the dog isn't barking and my little family is sleeping with full bellies and no immediate needs. This time of the day has sort of become a sanctuary for me, my sacred writing time, but for the last week I've not had the pleasure of seeing this time of the day. Weird things have gone wrong all week, keeping me from dragging myself out of bed to write. But just as I sat down to write, feeling triumphant that I was able to meet my date with 3 a.m., Little Bit woke up crying. I rocked her and rocked her, sang, nursed and wooed on sleep. Nope. No sleep, just giggles. Finally, she fell asleep and I put her gently in her bed but she was like a doll with confused little eyes. Instead of them closing when I laid her down, they popped open, big and eager. So here we sit, a pile of things I need to write next to me, deadlines creeping up on me and the realization that writing is becoming more difficult with each passing day.

But oh, how glorious this baby girl is, all wide-eyed and hopeful. So excited to see what her mommy is working on, so eager to be in my lap. These are the moments I'll miss most when she is 16 and wants nothing to do with me.

I've thought about  Proverbs 31 a lot lately. I keep hoping something new will jump out at me and teach me how to be everything I'm being called to be right now. I keep hoping I'll learn how to make my arms strong for this task. Today, something finally jumped off the page:

"...She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

The other day, I was trying to get ready for a big Mary Kay show. I had a 700 word quota I had set for myself to finish the first draft of the coffee table book I'm working on that I hadn't met for the day. The dog was barking, the baby was screaming and my husband couldn't find the toilet paper. I had mascara rubbed all the way to my temples, my hair hadn't been washed, there was spit up down my left shoulder and since I still haven't found time to go shopping, I was wearing maternity shorts. You know what I did? I sat down on the kitchen floor with a tub of chocolate icing and a spoon. She can laugh at the days to come.

I'm not complaining but life is crazy right now. REALLY crazy. But at the end of the day, or beginning of the day, I am so overjoyed to have all of this crazy.

My sweet girl has finally fallen asleep and though I need to get some writing done, I'm finding it hard to take my eyes off of her. It takes longer for me to write and I can't remember the last time I touched my glue gun but I wouldn't trade this time for anything, even when it is so crazy I have to eat icing to survive. So, hang in there with me. Eventually I'll have time to craft but for now, I'm just enjoying the most beautiful and fulfilling thing I've ever had the pleasure of creating...