Do any of you feel like you're weird?
Yesterday I went to an event for moms at my church and I spent half of it kicking myself for being so awkward. I feel like I get around other people sometimes and I don't know what to say. Then I get so caught up in not knowing what to say that I find myself tripping over my words. And oh, the dreaded word vomit. Ugh, I'm sick just thinking about it. So as I sat there on the couch listening to the guest speaker share her testimony, wringing my hands because not only do I suffer from social speech impediments but my hands suddenly start sweating and grow 5 times larger and more clumsy, inside I was screaming why on Earth did you leave the house?!?!
But then the guest speaker (one of those women who look like they have it ALL together) said something that broke through my anxiety. She said that her pre-teen daughter felt like she didn't fit in with the girls in her class. She felt weird. Awkward. And her response was so beautiful: she told her daughter that when she felt weird or like she didn't fit in, that was when her light was shining. A special light that God gave her and only her. It occurred to me then that this woman was speaking from experience. She must feel weird sometimes too.
I've thought about that all day today. I believe with my whole heart that God gives us each a light like that so I wonder, do we all feel weird and awkward? And if we do, why aren't we talking about it? Why are we as women so afraid to be vulnerable with each other? So, if you're weird and awkward, tell me about it. Let your light shine! And if you've ever met shy, awkward Amanda, I want you to know that this is what I am really like and I am going to try my best to be more transparent and vulnerable. I can't carry a tune in a bucket but who am I to deny the world a "Pocket Full of Sunshine" right?!
yep! totally know how that feels. I am FINALLY starting to be OK with being the weirdo STAY AT HOME MOTHER that is OK with just chilling with the kiddos in the blow up kiddy pool while the neighbors stare. i even get up in the play area with the kids and giggle while sliding down the slides. I try to get the other moms to join me by saying "if you pick your legs up like this (i demonstrate) the slide goes REALLY FAST." They just give me a blank stare. Occasionally I'll find another awkward mom that says "awesome. watch this baby for me so I can give that slide a go."
ReplyDeletelove it Amanda. I can be SO awkward at times. And I stand there and grin and try to think of something un-awkward to say, can't come up with anything and just keep standing there grinning, being even more awkward than before.. *sigh*. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing...it was exactly what I needed today!
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful heart writer. Have you read the book by Anne Voscamp called One Thousand Gifts? It's amazing. I think it might have your name on it. Blessings new friend.
ReplyDeleteSamantha